Psychiatrist $557

Before I even get started, yes I know that I've already used psychologist as a job, but these are two different professions, psychiatrists can prescribe drugs.

If my drug of choice is a blueberry pancake from Strawberry Fair, so be it.

My mom and I took Bellerina our for a pancake the size of her this afternoon.

She ate half of the plate sized, half an inch thick, part cornbread, part flour stuffed with blueberries piece of yummy goodness. (If you haven't noticed the theme here, my child is a genetically predisposed carboholic)

When the remainder of the pancake was removed from the table so that it could be boxed up it resulted in some serious emotional distress.

There was pointing, there were tears, there was massive separation anxiety.

The only cure?

The best drug known to man, more blueberry pancake.

Denise Austin $384

Today I hawked Idaho Potatoes like I was getting paid for it.

I put on my best fitness guru smile, did a little head tilting, and somehow convinced Bellerina that she likes potatoes.

Before tonight I'd never actually successfully gotten her to each a potato.

Mashed, baked, as a salad covered in vinegar, as a french fry, all of them ended up half-masticated on the highchair seat.

But not tonight!

Thank you Denise, for showing me how to effectively sell spuds.

Kindergarten teacher $123

The husbando took our car to work today. Yes we are a one car family, yes I know that we're like the only ones left in that category.

So Bellerina and I were home all day, in the rain, finding various ways to occupy our time!

I have never sang "Itsy Bitsy Spider" so many times in my life, and I probably mean cumulatively, but after every rendition she gave me a quality standing ovation, so I guess I can't complain.

Then we colored our little hearts out for at least an hour.

Then we kind of sat there and stared at each other.

Until I made the mistake of reading "It's Spring" to her, once I read that book the first time I might as well get comfortable because it's a chorus of "Again, Again!" until I read it 100 times.

Honestly, I don't know how kindergarten teachers do it, I only had one kid in front of me, and I was worn out!

Political Speech Writer $223

I wouldn't say that what we told Bellerina tonight was lying.

It was more fashioning the truth in a way that made it more appealing to her pre-existing prejudices.

Was the mushroom risotto technically "White Sauce" like we told her?

I suppose not if you're going to be technical about the definition of sauce.

But did it appeal to her pre-existing propensity for liking things that have "sauce" on them?

Yes, yes it did.

So I challenge my opponents to prove that risotto is not in fact a sauce.

I will send Glenn Beck after you. So help me, I will.

Border Patrol agent $183

Bellerina is like the Switzerland of this house, she feels like because she has yet to publicly announce her agenda (we know you have one, you're not fooling anybody) and remains "neutral and impartial" she should be allowed to travel wherever she wants to unfettered.

Not so my dear, not so.

In this house there is some strict border patrol.

And it only rears it's ugly cigarette and food confiscating head when Mama needs some alone time.

For example, at 7:05 this morning when Mama really just needed to take a shower and get ready for work and you got shut out of the bathroom.

I was semi-heartbroken by your crying outside the door for the first few minutes, and then really, I just wanted to take a shower in peace.

So unfortunately you did not receive your visa in to the bathroom until we were ready to accept immigrants at 7:15am, clean and refreshed.

Thank goodness Dada was available to offer you temporary political asylum.

Mountaineer $10

It is amazing how little mountaineers make when they exert such extreme effort, I mean, even the professional ones pretty much blow whatever they get paid by sponsors (I'm talking to you North Face) on their next adventure.

This morning at 9:50am we were sitting around, planning on going to Target after her 1030am nap when I had an epiphany. There are only so many days left before the horrid cold, dreariness of winter so I said "Self, get your sorry ass out there".

The three of us, Bellerina, husbando and mama were out the door and on Blue Hills before you could say boo. Like literally out the door by 10, and it felt great!

We got to show Bellerina the value of an early morning hike that is rewarded by a beautiful view of the Boston skyline, and a side bar of feeling accomplished for the day.

I am super impressed by husbando who hiked the whole way with an extra 30 pounds in the form of Bellerinabackpackius, a very squirmy species.

Stand up comic $100

Today I had a funny story to tell. One of those things that's only really funny 2 hours after it happens, and if it didn't happen to you.

Bellerina was having a bit of an off day today.

And at one point she was standing outside of the bathroom door, banging on it, screaming her head off....for about 10 minutes.

Why?

Because I wouldn't let her play with tampons.

That's right.

Somehow she got herself in to a box of tampons and was throwing them in the air, laughing. It was literally raining tampons.

When I put them back in the cabinet, a fit of massive proportions ensued.

I realized the hilarity of tampon confetti about an hour after she stopped screaming!