Behavioral Therapist $246

Sometimes it is not easy to keep a level head and figure out what precisely is causing your child to scream like a caged animal that is about to be slaughtered.

For example, when you're standing in line at Macy's trying to return boots that don't fit because they make the calves of boots for children or anorexic New Yorkers.

Then, you just try to jiggle the carriage a little and sing a horridly off key song, and make jokes to fellow customers while you just pray you will get out of the store before the perfume lady gives you another freaking look.

Because what you really want is for your child to be screaming out of the blue for no apparent reason when you just want to return some boots!

FYI, when I calmed down and put my behavioral therapist hat on I realized I made a fatal mistake, the mistake of using a tool that has certain expectations associated with it for another function.

I put her in her carriage, which means extended (minimum 1 mile) walk, not a brief jaunt from the parking lot to the shoe department where you stop and wait in line.

Not making that mistake again! Next time she gets the sling.